Five Easy Exercise Alternatives

First there was a Treadmill. Then came a Stairmaster. Other monotonous monstrosities passing as exercise machines followed.

These are all intended to make you healthier, but are you just Sisyphus pushing the rock up?

Yes! Consider these Bad Business Idea approved alternative workout plans instead, and get stamina that’s flammaba…le.

Fits and Charts

You know who was in good shape? Mapmakers. They had to travel around getting the lay of the land and drawing it. I’m not sure if this is accurate, but I imagine they had to walk everywhere and draw as they went. Good workout, not boring.

Stink or Swim

Stink or Swim will coat you in an oil that will make you smell terrible for up to a month. That’s the free part. For a fee, you can jump in a a wave pool of a specially formulated antidote. You have to do this at least three times a day.

Putt and Run

This is pretty straightforward. Golf as fast as you can.

Burlap Dance

Burlap: One of the itchiest materials known to man. Burlap Dance is a first of its kind, fashion-based exercise regimen based. Just three easy steps:
  1. You wear burlap under your clothes.
  2. You shift uncomfortably all day and burn calories.
  3. Wow, you look great! And kind of nervous.
Side effects may include your ideal weight, self-confidence, and horrible rashes.

Mixture of Health

Can you bake your way to health?

If we were baking the old way, with technology, no chance. But take out the electricity, and now you’re cooking.

First, take the mixer out of the equation. Mixing things by hand. That’s a good workout.

Now turn off the oven and create enough heat from friction. Rub your hands together or something.

Next, stop refrigerating your ingredients. A little salmonella goes a long way to bathing suit season.


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