The only app you’ll ever need

When it comes to the zombie apocalypse, if you see a one, it’s already too late.

Sure, maybe it’s easier to survive than we think it would be. All the zombie movies and TV shows you’ve seen have prepared you to live a long and enriching life running and dodging and piñata-ing the undead. Hunkered down in the boarded up department store with four strangers that are looking more and more psychotic with each passing moment. Oh, and also no wifi?

zombies

Frankly, it sounds exhausting. Who has that kind of time?

That’s where Cut & Run comes in. We’re the only zombie analytics company that has a special algorithm which predicts the outbreak so you can get to safety before the zombies are fully out and about.

Here’s how it works:

  1. Our proprietary algorithm scans police frequencies, hospital communications, and cross references it with social media posts looking for pre-outbreak trends.
  2. As soon as the danger of zombies becoming real gets too high, our app calls three ride shares for you. Why three? So you can pick the one that looks the least chewed up.
  3. Your driver will then take you to the nearest harbor or airport, where the app has rented your means of transportation. If rentals aren’t available, congratulations, you’ve just purchased a boat or plane. Three of them, actually.
  4. You’ve also purchased the closest island, retired fort, closed prison, or other tactically isolated building the app can find. Just one, maybe two.
  5. Three to five year’s worth of provisions will be waiting for you via Amazon Prime.

And then the waiting game begins. Society crumbles. Governments fall. Billions are dead. But here’s you:

Island

Listen to this winning Bad Business Idea on To a Certain Degree (skip to 43:41):

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