Uber With Me

Uber needs one thing. No, not new leadership. No, not an overhaul of its toxic corporate culture. Certainly not an end to software that helps drivers avoid government investigators.

They need a secret menu! It’ll distract from all the issues (including lawsuits from Alphabet) and shows that they care. Simply type in the following codes, and you’ll receive the following with your ride:

Uberries – Freshly picked fruit or a cobbler (Ubbler?)

Uberliner – Krispy Kreme included (timely JFK reference)

Uberets – Not sure, a hat? (kind of gross)

Uberate – Judgy driver (need to provide your most recent life decisions)

Ubereave – Only plays the Smiths and the Cure in the car.

Uberobed – Forgot your coat? Borrow one of ours. (also gross)

Uberserk – Hulk-related? A bright green car?

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